WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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