Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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