I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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