Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
