i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
