Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
