fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
