I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
