I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
