So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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