i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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