It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
bring money and cleavage
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We are all done wearing pants today
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
