It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
