I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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