I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
