When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You're like the curious george of whores
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
