I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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