god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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