i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
