I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
