I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
