I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Damn victory sex feels great
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
