If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
