He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
