Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
