i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
