We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
