I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
