So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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