I will die if light touches me.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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