Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
