I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
