I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
