just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
