he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm passing your future prison.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
