i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
