Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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