I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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