how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
