Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
