U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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