No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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