I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
