You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I need moral support for this bender
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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