She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
