I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
