he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
