We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
They are going to name an STD after you.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
