please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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