Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
